As a Ghost fan, of course I’ve heard about the situation involving Tobias Forge. Let me be absolutely clear: stalking is wrong. Full stop. It is invasive, unacceptable, and criminal. At edseldopefan.org, we strongly condemn the actions of the individual who stalked Tobias, and we hope she is held accountable.
It also made me realize that it is long past time for me to make my own stance on fandom and boundaries unmistakably clear.
I will never post anything personal about Edsel. His private life is not relevant to his career, and if he wants to share something, that choice belongs to him. I know there are photos of his daughter that fans have taken; I will never share them. I will not discuss or share photos of his partner, either. I do not share images from his personal social media, and I do not post photos taken without his knowledge or consent.
Over time, I’ve also seen people sexualize Edsel or reduce him to an object instead of treating him like a person. There is nothing wrong with saying you find him attractive or that he looks good in a photo. There is nothing wrong with being excited about someone whose work you admire. But there is a line, and some people cross it.
At a certain point, it stops being appreciation and becomes something else entirely: gross, intrusive, and obsessive. That is not fandom. That is a violation of basic respect and boundaries.
It is completely possible to admire someone deeply while still respecting their boundaries. In fact, real appreciation should include respect.
You can love someone’s work, be excited to see new photos or interviews, think they are beautiful, talented, funny, or magnetic, and still understand that none of that gives you a right to their private life. Admiration does not equal entitlement.
Being a fan does not mean needing access to every part of a person. It does not mean digging into their family, their relationships, their children, their home, or moments they did not choose to make public. It means valuing what they share with the world and respecting what they keep for themselves.
There is a difference between enthusiasm and intrusion. You can celebrate an artist without treating them like they exist for public consumption. You can compliment someone without objectifying them. You can care about a person’s work without convincing yourself that their boundaries are negotiable.
To me, that is what responsible fandom looks like: appreciation without possession, admiration without entitlement, and support without invasion.
Respecting boundaries does not make someone a lesser fan.
If anything, it makes them a better one.
Cristina xoxo
